February already?

I articulate my feelings best in words.

When I write, I reveal sides of me that would otherwise remain hidden, parts of me that I'd never feel comfortable talking about face to face with another person. Well, I used to be able to do that with Joy but in case you didn't know the next time I'll see her is summer in July back in little Brunei. We still talk though <3.

When I'm out in the world facing people, I tend to portray my stronger sides. And when I do this I feel stronger, too. I don't feel comfortable with pity and too much concern from people, because it crumbles my defences and sometimes makes me weep inside, and I don't in the least bit like breaking in front of people.

I think that I've been too transparent with my feelings here. Too many people I know personally read this blog but sometimes I just don't realise it. People who I'd not care to discuss my feelings with under normal circumstances. So its like you're hanging out with these people and you're talking to them and hanging out, and they already know so much about you.

It's pertubing.

The thing is, I think I write better when I'm transparent. Being passionate and genuine about something you feel strongly about naturally brings good quality writing. At least thats what I think and I'm not implying that my writing is of high quality, I'm just saying its better when I put my heart into it.

Maybe I should give my posts a more light hearted, non-chalant touch.

Because I too, have some issues and it involves portraying Mervin as someone carefree and fun-loving and strong.

And when he shows himself to the world in this manner, Mervin actually does feel carefree and fun-loving and strong. Which he was. Well, most of the time.